~My name is Bri. ~I'm 22. ~Loved. ~VCU ~Police. ~Ballroom. ~Ask me things. I like to answer questions or respond to statements. ~My blog breakdown: 25% my thoughts on stuff, 48% Adam Levine/ other beautiful men, 17% cool stuff i like, 5% interesting videos, 5% misc.
If I say no, then I’m the bad guy and don’t care about my health. If I say yes, I’m the bad guy and don’t care about my relationship. Fuck. I just want to leave everyone behind sometimes. And just go somewhere. New name, new life, everything.
After making my decision to get healthy, which involves me packing up and moving an hour away for 6 months, my boyfriend almost refuses to be around me. Hardly any calls, texts, anything when he is gone, and he wont even hardly touch me at home. I am almost beginning to regret my decision. But at the same time, if this relationship has run its course than I will accept that too. If he cant handle this, then we were not meant to be.
You know that feeling where you made a tough choice that you know is a good one, but you know something else bad is going to come from it? They call that being stuck between a rock and a hard place. The choice between two good things but you’ll lose one for good if you choose the other. That’s where I am.
Life is all about choices. You don’t get “do covers” just because you don’t like your choice that you made. And you can’t just shut the game down and restart from your last checkpoint because the choice you made sucked. It just doesn’t work like that. And I’m stuck between two great things.
I am severely overweight. Like about 70lbs overweight. I am addicted to food. It sounds funny and not real but it is, very very real. I cant go 10 minutes without thinking about it and when I will eat next or what I can snack on. And I cannot control what I eat. When I go somewhere, I have every intention of eating a salad or something awesomely healthy, but then something else falls out of my mouth, like “Ill have the 20 chicken nuggets large combo please,” and then eat it all, and not stop.
But I know all of this. I have tried everything from diet pills, HCG, Weight Watchers, exercise, and even tried to develop an eating disorder. I always fall off track.
I have been given an awesome opportunity to fix it all. Basically like rehab an hour away from where I live with my boyfriend. It will last for 6 months.
Thats the problem. I live with my boyfriend. I love him to death. And we have been talking about marriage for a while now after almost 5 years together. I told him about all of this and he confronted me with the truth that I was never ready to accept until I was completely broken down like I was tonight. I have no personal responsibility. And he is right. Completely right. I blame outside circumstances for being fat and unhappy, and even sometimes him. Or I deflect the situation or topic of conversation away from me onto him.
The problem and the choice that I am presented with is this though. Amongst the talk and the heart-to-heart discussion that we had, he told me “I was planning to propose…”. With that being said, I find that leaving somewhere after 4 months of living together (yes, we only recently moved in together) tends to be the kiss of death for a relationship. With him having said “I was planning to propose”, does that mean doubt. He said its because I will be gone and that it is only pushed back. But my biggest issue is that how does me living an hour away for 6 months affect the love that we have for each other? In my eyes it doesnt. I would have gone through with it anyway. Are we on the verge of tipping over into single land again? I dont know. If I lose him, I lose my staple in life, my friend group (who I also love), and my best friend. I cant handle that. I would be lost without him.
This is not even half of the story. I cant write it all or you would have gotten bored and stopped reading by now.
So the choice I have to make is my heath and my dream of becoming a cop or the love of my life and my best friend?